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Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Part of HuffPost Relationships. This article exists as part of the online archive for HuffPost Australia, which closed in 2021. To that end, we’ve gathered 50 of the funniest marriage tweets we saw in 2020. Husband: Have you seen my hair clippers?Me: *styling my dog’s mohawk* Nope. MY WIFE IS NAPPING AND I HAVE TO SNEEZE THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL FOR ME. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. 50 Really Funny Marriage Tweets That Just Nailed It This Year — HuffPost. Husband: “Today’s the first time that I‘ve noticed you’ve aged..”Me: (raises eyebrow)Husband: “You’re handsome, you just look more like a father who works in senior management and not a guy going to music festivals with his mates”I’m now sobbing into my anti age cream.. Me *calling wife* should I get one or two hotdogsWife: twoMe *to tattoo artist* yeah one on each arm. This article exists as part of the online archive for HuffPost Australia, which closed in 2021. My husband thinks he can just add random items to my junk drawer and I’m like HELLO THERE IS AN APPROVAL PROCESS. This year has tested us and our relationships again and again, leaving us all in desperate need of a little comic relief. My dog just yawned while my husband was talking to him and I totally get it. Below, we’ve compiled 21 hilarious tweets that husbands and wives will no doubt relate to. Here's the new way you fold towels." To that end, we’ve gathered 50 of the funniest marriage tweets we saw in 2020. marriage is still choosing to sleep next to someone every night even though they try to tell you how to drive and load the dishwasher correctly which makes my husband a saint. Are you not just a husband, but a dad, too? ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (June 22 - July 6) "Welcome to marriage. The secret to a long marriage in two words: designated toilets. My husband told me the garage light would shut off within 3 minutes of shutting the garage door, and it's only been 4 days, but I'm starting to think he might be wrong. ... Part of HuffPost News. My wife is also working from home now and she likes to whisper everything she types. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. Life 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Oct. 13–26) Dating: *lights candle to set the mood*Married: *lights sage to ward off the poop smell*, husband: you’re so sweaty. Marriage or a long-term relationship can be quite funny at times. "The secret to marriage is finding someone whose chore preferences complement yours." “You’re making this so much more complicated than it needs to be”, he says, clearly forgetting who he married. My husband thought I was flirting. Godspeed. Bored Panda has put together this list of the best funny tweets by husbands that Twitter has to offer. Apr 9, 2018 - This Pin was discovered by Divorcee2. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You’re lucky!” & then my son hollered “yeah you don’t live with him!”Kids are fun. Me: Are you in a bad mood?Wife: What? Shh. My husband and my dog are having a competition to see who can be the most disruptive and loud during my work zoom meeting. TV volume: 1Wife: CAN YOU TURN THAT DOWN?! 1 My husband unloaded the dishwasher so I guess now it’s time to have a parade for him I told the wife I wanted to do something dirty so she handed me the Easy Off, and said clean the oven. You ever just spend 2 years talking about air fryers with your spouse and still not be sure if it’s worth the counter space sacrifice? "They say communication is important in a marriage so I just sent my husband 6 consecutive texts explaining why I’m right. 22 Of The Funniest Tweets About Cats And Dogs This Week (Jan. 16-22) This article exists as part of the online archive for HuffPost Australia, which closed in 2021. Vote below, or share your own funny husband quotes in the comment below. Your kids are the cutest when they're sleeping. My husband was in a virtual meeting but I needed something from the desk next to him, so I slid across the floor on my knees but everyone could see me anyway so they all just went quiet to watch me scooting across the floor on my knees and how is this year not over yet? Did someone hurt your feelings?me: what makes you ask?my wife: you’re listening to a lot of Taylor Swift. If you have to tell your wife “it was a joke,” it’s already too late. For my second date with my husband we met in NYC and went to a party and ended up at a McDonald's at 3:00 AM where he reached across the table, grabbed my hands, looked at me adoringly, and said "I hate this. did you work out?me: [just ate half a block of cheese] yes, Him: Do you sleep with a fan?Me: I'd say my wife mostly likes me, but fan is pushing it. If it's Friday and your wife leaves the tape measure out, cancel your weekend plans. It’s just Walmart.”Me, “I am getting my second vaccine! I think we’re ready. Funny Tweets About Married Life. my wife: hey babe, are you ok? Me: *turns on faucet*Husband: *starts talking*Me: *turns it off* What? By ... Part of HuffPost Lifestyle. Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of … "Marriage is just practicing restraint while your spouse talks through your favorite ... Part of HuffPost News. Current count:23 Families. Below, we’ve rounded up 32 comical tweets about cleaning that will surely resonate with married people. Gonna have to ask my husband to pluck the chin hairs I can’t seem to grip. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. Me: *just finished cleaning toilets*Husband: can I pee in our bathroom?Me: noHusband:Me: you can pee outside, Husbands be like, “These are the shirts my wife makes me wear in public and those are the shirts I’ve owned for 20 years that are in various stages of disintegration.“, Husband, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”Me, “A bottle of champagne.”Husband, “Oh, I got you one yesterday.”Me, “I said what I said.”. Thankfully, we can always count on the spouses of Twitter to find the humor in the annoying aspects of married life and sum it all up in hilarious and relatable ways. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage funny tweets about your marriage! And somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters. Kelsey Borresen. ©2020 Verizon Media. 1. Every time my wife calls me creepy, I remind her that she has a baggie of our children’s baby teeth in her bedside drawer. Wife: I just saw a spider in the bath!Me: Good for him, self-care is important.Wife:Me: Me:…yeah I’ll go take it outside, Wife: [still sleeping]Me: [tiptoes around in socks, whispers, uses headphones for TV]Me: [still sleeping]Wife: [runs blender, organizes baking pans, sings "Oklahoma! Check them out below. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. ", My wife has been getting at least one package delivered to our house every day for the last seven months.Today something came for me and in a judgmental tone she said "What did you order?". ", HuffPost x Tumblr 'Love Illustrated' Comics, An essential daily guide to achieving the good life. My husband just enthusiastically shushed me so that he could watch a 10 minute video on making sourdough bread, so yeah, I guess you can say we take part in foreplay. Forgot to use a coupon my wife gave me and I’m not sure if I should go home or disappear and start a new life. Like A LOT. Check them out below. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. "], Question: when your marriage counselor starts eating popcorn during your zoom session is that insulting or kinda flattering. 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (April 21 - May 4) ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. I’m sorry I gotta go. Read on for 25 relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement. Lil Bit of Holiday Cheer @LizerReal. Part of HuffPost Relationships. My wife managed to open a jar of pickles herself and I am now nonessential. 1. [holding my wife’s phone and typing on my phone]: You left your phone at home. Husband just called me “Orville RUDEnbacher” because I refused to share my popcorn with him. My husband pissed me off so I bought another half-dozen throw pillows for our bed. [my wife’s phone]: ding! So that’s fucking great. My wife is taking a walk to listen to the new Fiona Apple album without distraction and I hope she comes home instead of joining a coven of other Brooklyn women on the same journey she is. Part of HuffPost News. It's science. Discover (and save!) Husband, “Why are you so dressed up? Turns out, marriage is a surprisingly universal experience. Good morning to everyone except my husband who was using my vibrator to massage his feet. If I had to pick my favorite thing about marriage, it would be my wife scolding me for doing the same thing I watched her do only 5 minutes ago. ", HuffPost x Tumblr 'Love Illustrated' Comics, An essential daily guide to achieving the good life. And somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 6-12) "STOP YELLING screamed the parent." HuffPost Twitter Trend : Most Popular Tweets | United Kingdom. It's about being willing to negotiate on the important things: Simon Holland @simoncholland. Really good football today so my husband is bringing in tvs from every room and putting them all over our den so now my house looks like a Buffalo Wild Wings. Husband: Does it bother you when I —Me: Yes. I wish happy pictures on social media had truthful behind-the-scenes captions: “Called kid a dumbass 2 minutes before this pic was taken” or “argued with spouse for the entire drive to this destination because he got me the wrong burrito filling at Chipotle". Which one best sums up your marriage or a long-term relationship? I have a wife and two daughters. See Gallery. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. huffpost.com The Funniest Marriage Tweets To Get You Through This Week "Went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and only had to call my wife seven times." They can never find a hair tie and I can never stop finding them. It’s still 2020. This article exists as part of the online archive for HuffPost Australia, which closed in 2021. Do not expect this of me again. [ April 20, 2021 ] In ‘The Sky Blues,’ A Queer Teen’s Path To Self-Acceptance Doesn’t End At Coming Out Entertainment [ April 20, 2021 ] 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (April 6-19) Lifestyle [ April 20, 2021 ] China’s Solar Dominance Presents Biden With an Ugly Dilemma Finance You might remember from such hits as Did You Fix the Washer Yet and its sequel Why Haven’t You Fixed the Washer. I’m gonna be late for my wife’s post grocery shopping orientation where we cover “snacks and treats that are meant for the kids.”. I’m your wife. "My dog just yawned while my husband was talking to him and I totally get it. And somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters. And somehow, the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters. 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life "I think I'm independent until I have to text my wife because I forget what size jeans I wear." ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. ... 30 Tweets That Describe Married Life With Comical Accuracy your own Pins on Pinterest We’re here now. Husband: Shh. Perspectives Personal Opinion How To Pitch To HuffPost Hometown Voices. This article exists as part of the online archive for HuffPost Australia, which closed in 2021. And somehow, the husbands and wives of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in 280 characters or fewer. Heartwarming! I like being married because I can say things like “jeez I am so damn gassy today” and still end up getting laid later. There should be a carnival game where people have to find something in my wife’s purse. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Wife: How many throw pillows should I take? I don’t have the heart to tell him that I was just licking the salsa that had fallen between my fingers. I’ve been married for over 10 years I shave my legs for my freshly cleaned sheets not my husband. My wife came outside to tell me a funny thing she heard that I told her an hour ago. I need some help here, hot glue gun or staples? Families 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Sept. 1–14) I just stubbed my toe and said “I hate it here!” but because my husband is not really on the internet, he took it kinda personally. Me: *wakes up from nap, dazed* How long was I asleep? Yes.Me: Because you seem like you’re in a bad mood.Wife: OMFG NOW I AM IN A BAD MOOD.Me:Wife:Me: I knew it. No.Me: You sure?Wife: I’m sure.Me: You’re cranky.Wife: I’m not cranky.Me: Everything okay?Wife: OMG. that’s my husband!” She said “that’s so sweet! Unsolicited marriage advice for the day: Get your own comforter. My wife said she didn’t want coffee this morning and now I’m questioning everything about my marriage. Especially when you're arguing over random stuff like the brands of toilet paper or having a fight entirely in fridge magnets. Go back to sleep. Rage vacuuming is like regular vacuuming except you’re married. Marriage is having separate tubes of toothpaste because your spouse squeezes it wrong, I just asked my husband what he’s up to today and he responded “none of your business” so quarantine is going well. 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (July 21 - August 3) This article exists as part of the online archive for HuffPost Australia, which closed in 2021. Read on for 25 relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement. Podcasts 'Follow-Up' 'Born & Raised' Follow Us ... 25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Dec. 30 - Jan.13) Don’t believe us? I'm secretly doing an investigation on how many decorative pillows I can put around the house till husband loses his shit. I miss how my wife would say “he’s a rescue” whenever I misbehaved at parties. Life. Rep. Mondaire Jones condemns Josh Hawley: He has nearly uniformly voted to cut taxes for the rich, and otherwise empowered a GOP caucus that, at every turn, throws working people, who he purports to want to help through a $2,000 stimulus, under the bus. Went to pay for my Starbucks in the drive-thru & the barista said “the handsome man behind you is going to pay for yours!” I look back & say “oh! Husband: *says nothing*Repeat forever. By ... Part of HuffPost Lifestyle. Suggest a correction. Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing because that's the soundtrack to the rest of your life. And your wife misses you the most when you're out having fun with your friends. ♥️♥️♥️. My phone: 58%.My husband’s phone: 7%.Me: Honey, I need your charger. Read on for 25 new relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement. More: weddings Marriage Relationships funny tweets Twitter. [sitting … ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. ... Below, we present 40 of the funniest and most relatable marriage tweets of 2017. I don’t care what my husband says, technically he is a brother-in-law to my mom’s dog. Part of HuffPost Relationships. Video. !”Husband, “But it’s still Walmart.”Me, smoothing the ruffles on my dress, “I said what I SAID.”. Wife: Today was awful.Me: Tomorrow is a new day.Wife: Is that a threat? [packing for camping trip]Me: I have the tents, lanterns, stove, sleeping bags, matches, cooler, and first aid kit. Husband: *says nothing*Me: *turns on the garbage disposal*Husband: *starts talking*Me: *turns it off* What? I told my husband I would hem his pants. Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. They say communication is important in a marriage so I just sent my husband 6 consecutive texts explaining why I’m right. I wanted to go to bed at 9:00. Sometimes I like to torture my wife by forcing her to watch Dr. Pimple Popper with me while eating dinner .

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